you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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