i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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