I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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