I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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