.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
