How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
