No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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