SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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