i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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