I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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