I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize