Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
