you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
