Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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