She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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