I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize