Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
