Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
