Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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