just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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