He had one of those small greek statue penises
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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