dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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