why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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