it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
