If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
