now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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