lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
