He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
