Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
