Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
