I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
