everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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