My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
