dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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