Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
