wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
