I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
