i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
