FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
