Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
