Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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