I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
