oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
