I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
