I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
