If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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