i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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