I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
