After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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