I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
