And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
