around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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