I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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