I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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