im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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