if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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