There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
