I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
