Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
