I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
