My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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