I wish my penis had an off switch
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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