you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
