She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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