I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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