Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
