brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
