I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
