he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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