remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize